10.3: Resolving Interpersonal Conflicts
The focus of this expectation is on relationships with colleagues, but in the context of the INTASC Standards, particularly Standard #10, it is essential to reflect upon how, in your role of teacher, you also handle differences with students, parents and administrators. In a very large and changing (demographics, philosophy, etc.) like Lawrence North High School, the tension of change and conflict is almost always present in one area or another. It is suggested that this expectation aligns with expectation 1.2: Teacher as Learner, but my experiences observing differences of opinion bring other expectations into consideration as well.
Much of the conflict that exists in schools is the result of fundamental changes to the mechanics and expectations of school. Expectation 9.5: Initiating Change outlines just one of this type of change, but addresses much of the challenges, resentment, resistance and other obstacles that impede growth through change. My own experience with change has taught me that growth is always the minimum result of change, but more often than people are willing to credit, change serves the greater good. Positive outlook and embracing the spirit of change as an opportunity allows me to mediate and speak the voice of reason, rational thought and chance. Many people are simply protective and defensive of tradition. They are comfortable with practices that are proven satisfactory and unable to risk failure. The ability to reason professionally and respectfully with colleagues preserves the professional working environment. My experiences with maneuvering and facilitating change at PF Chang's are outlined in these publications of the Wonton Scoop.
The professional working environment is the community of school (see expectation 5.1: Fostering a Sense of Community). As the community undergoes changes in size, personnel, strategy, socialization, age, professional experience, etc., it is important to not feel stifled and to be able express oneself without alienating others. To preserve this valuable network of support, one must remain open to multiple perspectives and recognize that differences of opinion are a valuable part of the group. Teachers must also make an effort to connect outside of school as well. This socialization reinforces the group member's ability to differentiate the opinions from the person and keep the community structure intact. My greatest experiences with this dynamic come from the fraternity. I always made special note of the attitudes members had toward one another at the beginning of the school year, before anyone had any reason to have conflict with someone else. By a few weeks into the school year, I wished there had been a way to bottle that comradery. Many times, a ritual or social event that reminded everyone why they were there served to reconnect the brotherhood. Those types of connections are important to maintain professionally as well. The shared experiences, desires, and hardships have a unique way of drawing the group together in a supportive way, even when conflict arises.
While professional development continues to gain momentum within the school's priorities, teachers should remain committed to their own personal growth as well. Professional development opportunities help to educate teachers and validate new strategies and methods that are often at the root of conflict. When leadership suggests improvements or new learning opportunities for teachers, the walls go up. I think a general problem-solving approach (see mentor portfolio, Standard #10) we try to instill in our students is a good approach to bear in mind when confronted with seemingly forceful "fixes" from administration. It is important to keep in mind that a problem may have many solutions, only one solution or no solution at all. When both sides have this perspective, the pressure is relieved from feeling trapped in a long-term pattern of questionable outcome. Even now, the Small Schools initiative at Lawrence North that has had so many up in arms is retreating into first a reorganization of the entire Freshman School concept. Administrators are leaders and managers, and by nature must impose change and enforce policy. My experience in management has given me experience in using diplomacy and fun to impose change (above), enforce policy and promote ongoing training exercises for all staff levels. Teachers must be open to that process and make allies of leadership so that, even in conflict, respectful debate and questioning can occur.
Teachers will inevitably have conflicts with parents as well(see expectation 10.1: Families as Allies) and must be able to handle themselves professionally. Parents must be recognized as stakeholders, but must also be made to feel somewhat accountable for the student's well-being. Teachers should be familiar with ways that parents can help students succeed in their class (Penrose and Frankum examples) and be able to advise parents in ways that are reasonable, understanding and respectful.
When I took over the maternity leave at Lawrence North, I was left a long list of notes and instructions from the departing teacher. There were notes about two students from different classes. She had made arrangements for them to do their work outside of the class, because of the conflict between student and teacher. When I took over, the Assistant Principal replaced both students back in my classroom, and I never had issue enough with either one of them to have them removed. Personality conflict with students is unavoidable in school. In the role of model and professional, teachers should make every effort to work it out. In their own way, each student continued to cause minimal disruptions in class, but only to the extent that a teacher will allow it. Talking with each student one-on-one, welcoming them back, and offering them individualized attention when they start to disengage and distract others has proven effective for me so far. I think the Assistant Principal felt like this teacher was taking advantage of being located next door to his office and used him to resolve her classroom management issues, but I believe I was able to handle these students effectively and constructively while keeping them where they belong, in the learning environment of my classroom.
Regardless of with whom the conflict arises, the most important thing to remember is the INTASC Standard that this expectation falls under. Standard #10 requires that all of these relationships "support students' learning and well-being." Teachers should model negotiation, mediation and compromise and work to create win-win situations. Finger-pointing and blame have no place in school. Taking responsibility for your position and communication in non-confrontational manners (phrasing "I" vs. "you") goes a long way to proactively minimize destructive conflicts. When teachers display behavior that reinforces conflict over any and all issues, we model behavior that is inconsistent with our objectives of developing productive contributors to the community and society.
Just like at PF Chang's, as a manager I pick my battles among both guests and staff. There are issues that I can take responsibility for, whether or not I have control over them. Then there are non-negotiable issues that set precedents. In dealing with conflict, it is important to be able to evaluate the consequences of your position. Is your stance fair and consistent with your principles? Is it likely to create a larger problem? Does it bring resolution or prevent future conflicts with respect to the same issue?
I am not a person that enjoys or is even very comfortable with conflict. Even in writing about conflict, I cannot raise a particular conflict easily. My nature is one of forgive and forget. I find that it takes way too much energy, memory cells, and frown muscles to hold grudges. In my classroom we will live in the moment. If something is troublesome and needs to be discussed, it will be. If something is trying to resurface from the past or untangle before its time, it will be placed in chronological perspective...bygones. Maintaining the vision of the school (all of which are inconsequentially similar) and the well-being of students, academic and otherwise, is the objective of teachers and schools across the country.
